Mindful Moments
The Feelings Table
It helps me to deal with my emotional world in a very particular way. I imagine myself as a hostess in my home. I simultaneously sit at the head of a very long table with the guests I am hosting and open the door to every visitor that shows up, greeting them by name and directing them to the table.
The guest are my emotions. I watch them come and go. Sit at the table and be who they are, get up and leave, and come back again. Some come alone, silently, sit down, stay, and leave without much fanfare. Some come in groups, are loud and demand attention. Sometimes I really must be with my guest to notice everyone. If I spend too much time at the door, I’ll miss who’s here and I don’t want that. I want to be the type of hostess that sees my guests, thanks them for coming, brings them a meal, and makes sure everyone knows they are welcome here. Sometimes I just leave the door wide open and stay at the table.
Here is an example of how it might play out in my head. I notice Anger is at my table. I welcome him. I thank him for coming. I listen as he loudly tells me about his day and his grievances. I keep listening and after a while I notice he didn’t come alone. Sitting beside him (I almost missed her from my vantage point) is Sadness. There’s also Fear and some of her children Uncertainty and Insecurity. Down towards the end of the table is Loneliness. I know her well. She’s been visiting so much lately. She visits for other people too. People I know are suffering from this forced isolation. People I know are lonely and she makes my heart hurt. So, I thank her. Hi Loneliness, thank you for reminding me the importance of human connection. Thank you for getting me on the phone to reach out to those I know have you at their tables too.
There’s something else I noticed about my table, which I happen to be so in awe over; Happiness is always there. She is so unassuming that sometimes I forget. All the other emotions can take up so much space, and make the room so loud, and vie for my attention. But when I really take the time to look at who is present at my table, happiness is always there. She’s there because no matter what I am grateful. I feel her more when I name each gratitude. The more I name, the more space she takes up, the brighter she shines. We smile at each other. Sometimes I notice guest get up and leave. I know they’ll come back, but it’s nice to have less guests.
What I want you to know friends, is that there is room for everyone at the table. Even if it seems impossible to host Happiness and Grief (or Anger or Loneliness) at the same time, I know they can all sit at the table together, because they’ve all sat at mine. You just need to be an attentive host to make sure they all get the attention they deserve. Please remember to thank them all for being there, let them be welcomed guests. In my experience, trying to close the door to the unpleasant ones, or beat them out with a baseball bat, doesn’t work out well. It just makes you rude and very unkind.
You can be a wonderful host, you can. It’s a never-ending job, but it’s not as hard as being the bouncer at the door, I promise. Notice who’s been coming to your table and notice who’s always there. Give them a meal, listen, and be with your guest. Laugh, cry, scream, dance, just know who you’re doing it with. This is what allows me to be mindful of my emotions; you are welcome to try (I hope you do).  Thank you for reading, thank you for working towards mindfulness.
-Amanda Daley
